And was disappointed by what I could see. I suppose as all women do I've never really rated myself highly in the looks department but I've always tried to take pride in my appearance. But since having Effie I have completely forgotten myself.

My roots are inches long, the last time I painted my toe nails was before I gave birth (and I am still wearing the remnants of that polish), not to mention my previous body hair removal routine that has completely gone out of the window in the last 11 weeks.

I found myself in the queue at the post office with my (clean) hair scraped back into a unfashionable messy mid bun with no make up on, my outfit not really matching and realising that I'm wearing uggs everyday.

What happened to me?

I am prioritising my little bundle of gorgeousness, the one who looks cute even when she's just thrown up everywhere. I guess that's part of what being a mum is all about, being selfless and putting someone else's needs before your own. In one way I am proud that I have managed to end up outside the house without make up and without my hair hiding my face. Truthfully I was never brave enough before Effie came along, too worried what other people might think, afraid of judgement.

That disappeared the moment I had my baby, I found that most people were just impressed that I had merely managed to leave the house at all (do lots of women just hibernate?).

So for now I will embrace my new found skill of being unselfconscious. But I will also remember that its time to let Dean help me when he offers, I don't have to just insist I'm fine and carry on as I am. He wants to have her more, he misses her when he's at work during the day, misses out on all the new little things she keeps doing. Maybe that's where my selfishness has manifested, I keep Effie all to myself too much, I want her all to myself because I love her so. But I didn't make her alone.

So time to hand her over, go upstairs and run a bath. I might even sort out those toenails.

 


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Betty Loo Laa